Blowing the clouds away

You know the feeling, you’re happy, having a really good day, and then you aren’t. Sometimes for obvious reasons, sometimes it’s an unexplained cold front.

The other day I found myself in this predicament. You know – la, la, la – BOOM! (That’s the thunder rolling in on my sunny day).

I can’t be alone, this must happen to other people. I would even venture to guess it happens to MOST people. Sometimes I don’t hear the thunder rolling in, sometimes I just find myself standing out in the rain – grumpy, short-tempered, and generally irritated.

Most of the time, with some reflection, I can pinpoint what caused the change in the atmospheric pressure… an argument with my husband, a criticism (constructive or otherwise) at work, a sideways look in the mirror at myself that triggers my self-critical streak… I could go on, but you get the idea.

Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much 
as your own unguarded thoughts. – Buddha

I trudged through the rest of the day, the sun peaking through the clouds, but never fully emerging. I went home, picked up Aubrey, cooked dinner, played with Aubrey, and counted down the moments until she went to bed (I’ll save the ginormous topic of mommy guilt for another fun day). I was in a bad mood, and I just wanted to be alone… upon reflection I was clinging tightly to what was upsetting me.

Through all of this I let my internal dialogue beat me up for being grumpy, so then I was grumpy and I felt bad about myself (plus insert mommy guilt from not wanting to hang with the cuteness).

“It’s not worth our while to let our imperfections disturb us always.”  – Henry David Thoreau

Then I did the silliest thing – I turned on a sitcom and within a few minutes I was okay. No – I don’t think TV is a magic cute, in fact I watch very little TV (except during football season). Honestly, it could have been any distraction – a book, a happy song, a run – just something to break the internal dialogue.

I don’t advocate escaping or running away from our problems, but sometimes we do need to stop, even for a second and take a break, come up for air. Stop clinging.

In my case the break from the hamster wheel of my thoughts helped me realize how TIRED I was, and fatigue makes me emotional in a really needy, bitchy, embarrassing way. And I knew, what I really needed was some sleep. Because Annie was right…

The sun will come out tomorrow… or soonish, eventually for sure….

And it’s okay to be bummed out or grumpy once in awhile, we just have to make sure we don’t cling to it, that we let it sit lightly so the wind can blow the clouds away.

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